This is mainly a post of desperation. A last chance grasp to find out what the heck happened…
….to my academic life!
I’ll admit: this year has definitely been a little more “academic-light” than I would have preferred. With my job and working on a musical and applying for co-op jobs, I’ve been pretty busy! On top of that, I’ve really fostered my love of travel and I’m desperate to get out and do something new. For the first time in my life I’m starting to look beyond the ordinary, expected path and trying to decide what I truly want for myself.
Despite all my lofty travel plans (au pair in Turkey? Sure, I’ll hop on the next flight!), a part of me always knew I was planning for a much later future (read: after graduation aka 2015+). I always knew that I needed to get good grades and graduate before I could do any true long-term travelling.
But maybe all this talk of long-term travelling and finding my passion is distracting me from the foundational work I need to do now. I’ve slipped on academics, sure, but I always thought I was doing okay. I recognized that I wasn’t putting as much time into things (I wrote both my term papers the day before they were due…) but I still thought I had it together.
Recently I started receiving some marks back and realized maybe I don’t….
I didn’t do as well on one of my term papers, I almost failed a psych-stats midterm and I’ve definitely missed a quiz or 2 in Mandarin. It’s starting to scare me. As much as I play the nonchalant never-study girl, I do like to get good grades. That’s why I’m at university! I do pride myself on academic success. But I’m finding it harder and harder to get motivated to make that success happen.
Case in point: the finals I am currently writing. I haven’t felt really confident for any of them yet. It actually scares me how unprepared I am for the finals I’m writing tomorrow. I’m trying to do some practice questions and I find myself constantly looking back at my notes. It’s like my brain doesn’t comprehend that these will be CLOSED book exams! I’m legitimately worried! And on top of that I feel like it might be too late to do anything about it now…
But I might as well try! Right? What’s another half hour or so of trying to force this stuff into my brain? Maybe something will stick….but I doubt it.
In other news: I am still jobless and homeless as of April 28th but I kind of have a contingency plan! On April 28th I move out of my place and slump with friends for a few days. And then I have a flight back to Toronto booked for the 30th. Ideally, I will hear back from my Italy job before then, and be able to rest easy knowing I have a month at home before 3 months in Italy! Ideal plan B: I get a job on the West Coast and I reschedule my flight to Toronto for Christmas. That would mean a mad scramble to find a place to live but at least I would be employed. And the worst case scenario: I fly home on the 30th and try to find a sad job back in TO. As much as I would love to see my family and friends and save money on rent….I really need some adventure this summer! I don’t know if I could do another summer living at home and working hospitality/retail knowing I couldn’t land a co-op. So fingers crossed for plan A (or B)!